Help! How many times do we ask for that? And in how many ways during our lives?
We all need help in one way or another every day of our lives. Whether it's help
cleaning the house or choosing the right outfit to wear or what to make for dinner,
whether it's help with homework or a business decision or fixing the broken down car, or
whether it's help with choosing a career, finding a job, making a major purchase, where
to go to church, or how to raise your children...we're always seeking, asking, hoping,
praying and finding ways to get help. No matter how small you are or how big you are,
you need help.
I remember several times being stranded on a freeway or other busy road or even in a
parking lot with a car that won't go and nobody to turn to. And people stopped to help.
Sometimes I knew them and sometimes I didn't, but they saw a need and made an
effort and every time I was so thankful they were there.
I remember when I was a girl scout a hundred or so years ago and one of the moms
organized an activity to help us get a badge. And I can still hear my mom's words to
me. “Always remember that somebody helped you and you should remember to help
someone else when you can.”
I remember so many things that so many people have done to help Mom Time TV
become a reality.
But I remember through each of those things, the tremendous effort around all that help
that I put in myself. That the responsibility belonged to me. That I needed to work and
research and be there to do what needed to be done.
When it comes to your kids, how much help is the right amount to give them? When
they are babies, you give them absolutely everything and then fret that it's not enough.
But you do, you give up sleep and work and relationships even, to give them what they
need when they need it. They can't do, so you do!
Pretty soon they take on some things on their own. They start to walk and you help by
letting them hold your fingers and walking behind them. And soon they're happily off,
walking, running on their own no help from you.
Then it's school and homework and projects. And at times it seemed like I did ALL their
homework for them (I could because it was 2nd grade or less), but they watched and I
explained how I got that answer. I showed them how to put all those words and pictures
on a poster to show to the class. And I wondered if I was going to be back in school for
another long bunch of years. But like walking they learned and they took off with the
homework thing and now if they ever even ask, it's more for advice. But I love to watch
their creativity as they go at it on their own.
Now we're getting to the age where it's time to think of colleges and careers and
eventually moving away. How much help to give? How much advice? How much
money? And how much hinges on what you have to give? We don't have all the
information in the world and we don't have all the money in the world either. Even if we
did, are we helping them by giving it all to them? And if we don't have knowledge or
money to share and they have to figure out how to do it on their own, I'm sure there are
still other ways to help. Encouragement, love, and letting go all come to mind.
My parents helped with college, but they let me pay some of my own way which I
absolutely wanted to do, I wanted to earn it. They didn't help me find a job, but they did
share a car or gave me a ride. They weren't always thrilled with the career path I
chose, but they were supportive. I knew that I was responsible for moving on and that it
wasn't up to them to provide for me any more.
It's that difference between letting your children start out on the bottom rung or lifting
them up on your shoulders and letting them reach higher or farther than you every
could. But how much do you help?
There's the story of the caterpillar that spins his cocoon, but then when he begins his
struggle to get out, the child feels sorry for him and opens the cocoon so he doesn't
have to struggle anymore. So the beautiful butterfly comes out, but he can't fly because
his wings didn't get the exercise needed in opening the cocoon. The butterfly was too
weak to survive.
But then there's the picture of being able to lift your child up on your shoulders and let
them see and reach and achieve at a much higher level than they ever would be able to
do standing on the ground.
But can you do that? Is there a way to do that without weakening their wings?
Is there an obvious answer or is it a delicate balance?
How do you decide when to help or when the greater help is to let them do it on their
own?
Minutes ago I heard this quote for the first time. I don't know the author of it but it
seems to be a timely ending to my questions. Give it some thought!
“There's no more difficult place to be than under the mouth of the horn of plenty.”
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