I'm still laughing! And I laugh because it all happened to me in the not too distant past. I remember like it was yesterday, but I'm glad it's not! When it happened to me of course it was not really funny. Laughter was the farthest emotion. So here's what happened...
I was in the grocery store picking up a few items for dinner. During the little teeny bit of time that I was choosing out canned pineapple slices (not chunks or bits), this mom passed me with her cart and two pre school girls. The girls are sniveling. The mom is 3 levels down from hollering. "Ok now you're getting a nap too". The two girls get louder. "Ok you're going to nap for a whole week. And I'm taking away your game...for another week". The girls cry harder. "And I'm not going to let you go to Ashley's house". Even louder crying. "And if you don't stop right this minute you won't have a birthday party...AND vacation". By now the girls are near to screaming. "And Christmas". The mom is now leaning over grasping an arm of each of them. "I'm going to count to three and you know what will happen". This too does no good. I hear a new threat and I marvel at the huge long laundry list of things we think of to torture our kids into behaving the way we need them to. Keep in mind, this was all in the space of a fraction of a minute.
When I was a kid we would have been wacked four times and thrown in the car to sit until mom was done. Nowadays if you wack you go to jail, and the same thing or worse will happen if you leave them in the car. These are not parenting options any more. Yet what I find so hysterically funny is the universal need to throw out every threat in our arsenal as fast as we can speak. And as I watched that poor mom and her poor kids, it was crystal clear to me that the threats and punishments were working counter to her purposes. Instead of calming them down, she was ramping them up. And the louder they got, the more frustrated she got. A vicious circle where nobody's happy.
I could go on to talk about discipline, but that's not the point here. The point is our shared experience...in the moment and viewing someone else's moment. As moms we have all been there, some of us more than others. How we handle the situation really sets us up for our next time around that same event. I suppose it sets up our kids for how they feel about shopping with us. Is it pleasant or frightening? If it's unpleasant, it's setting them up for the same behavior.
Is there any good advice to give? We all are on different paths with different obstacles and different small decisions. Planning could be a key. Whenever I scheduled to get my kids portraits taken, I was always very careful to do it far away from nap time, so they weren't tired. And very careful to give myself enough time to get them ready, so that I wasn't in the panic zone. It's just so easy for them to pick up on our stresses.
I also tried to be careful to plan smaller outings, just as we don't like to be bored, they don't like it either. I prefer to look toward rewards as an incentive rather than punishments. Hang in there with me and we'll drive through for a happy meal. Or let them pick out a new coloring book or a small priced item that they can look forward to. Life is all about negotiation, even with our very perceptive youngsters.
By opting to run errands late at night when the kids were sleeping and my husband or another family member could be home with them, I could give both the kids and me some relief. They don't need to be dragged everywhere, scheduling can prevent many problems.
And yet even with all the purposeful planning, you will find yourself (or somebody else) in the moment. And I think in both cases a little sympathy, forgiveness, encouragement and a smile may all be in order.
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