MomTime TV

Dear Grady,

I love you because you are funny, nice and respectful.
I’m committed to support you when you get worked up; when you feel bad about yourself; and when you need help.
I am willing to let go of bossing you around; fighting back; antagonizing you and making fun of you.

Your sister,
Maddie

It is either this or I am growing horns and a tail while screaming back at them, "STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!"

Thankfully, I create the "assignment".

I can handle occasional bickering but when a 14 yr old and 12 yr old can’t walk past each other without sending zingers, I intervene.

"What is the problem?"  My first question, naturally.

"He did this..."
"She did that..."
"No, I didn't, you did."
"You're a liar."

You get the picture. This is my choice point. I can be pulled into war or offer a pathway out of it. I know they won’t like me either way so I have nothing to lose.

"I'm giving you each an assignment. You can't do anything else until it is complete.  By complete, I mean, done with honesty and heart."

I grab two pieces of paper and have them write: Letter of Compassion and Respect for_____.

"Your letter must include:
1) I love you because ____.
2) I am committed to support you when ____.
3) I am willing to let go of ____.
Sign it and bring it to me. Any questions?"

Surprisingly, they don't have any.

Maddie is the first one done. Her letter brings tears to my eyes. She has defused her anger and neutralizes her ego. Her letter is from her heart and I can sense the love she has for her brother.

I thank her and acknowledge her for finding her way back to peace.

Dear Maddie,

I love you because you are funny, smart and responsible.
I'm committed to support you when you feel angry, sad, or pissed off.
I am willing to let go of all the times when I think I am right, when I feel jealous, and when I don't want to say I am sorry.

Love,
Grady

"Is this ok, mom?" Grady asks as I read his assignment.

"It is more than ok. It is an example of compassion and truth," I tell him, now with a runny nose to go with the tears.

They make copies of their letters. I keep one and they each keep the letter they've written. I explain that they are responsible for their commitment to each other and don't need to concern themselves with how the other person is doing. They can trust that the other person will honor this assignment as much as they are willing to honor it themselves.

They leave the room.

I close my eyes and thank God for courage and guidance; for sharing these wonderful teenagers with me; and, for keeping the pitchfork out of my hand one more time.

< Prev		Next >