Have you seen it yet? VH1 has a new documentary airing several times a week called “The New Virginity”. It features the hottest pop culture stars like Jordin Sparks, Jonas Brothers, and Miley Cyrus with their public vows of chastity. The documentary describes this as a new craze with today’s tweens and teens. But, really, this is nothing new; we all know that sex sells, so why wouldn’t a campaign apposing sex sell too – after all, it is still a conversation about sex.
The documentary does an excellent job of showing us just how long this virginity obsession has been going on. In the 60’s stars like Sandra Dee and Annette Funicello made their mark by being sexy but also charming and innocent. In the 70’s, it was the Osmond Brothers; the 80’s brought us the daring but darling 13 year old Brooke Shields; and in the 90’s it was the controversial 90210 cast. Pop icons have walked the tight rope between sexy and pure for decades so, why then, would VH1 label it as the “new” virginity? It is new because of the way that today’s tweens and teens are embracing this media generated virginity trend.
Let’s face it, media now regularly reaches tweens through iPhones, MySpace, Twitter, and YouTube and quite successfully. Psychologist Susan Linn, EdD, of Harvard Medical School and author of “Consuming Kids”, recently published findings in the New Press that U. S. companies market to adolescents and children with an annual budget of over $15 billion, or about two and a half times more than was spent in 1992. She goes on to share that, tweens now influence over $600 billion worth of spending.
Connect the dots, virgins are hot right now. There appears to a whole cottage industry developing here. There are rings, necklaces, sweatshirts, iPod apps, and underwear with sayings like, “I am a Virgin”, “Purity” and I’ve taken a Vow of Chastity” written on them. All it takes is for one young singer or actor to say it’s cool and it is. Who can blame them? These pop culture stars are in a unique selling position as they transition from their Disney and Nickelodeon days to a more adult audience. Their agents and publicists find chastity as the perfect bridge between two very different audiences. Keep them innocent enough for the audience that gave them their fame and provocative enough for a more skeptical and “mature” fan base. It is all sensationalized for exposure and longevity.
Where does that leave our children? It puts them right smack in the middle of this changeover. What can we do as parents then, to protect and guide our kids? Here are 5 Habits for Effectively Parenting your Tween:
1) Stay up on who and what is popular with this generation and more importantly, engage in conversations about the potential impact these brands or celebrities have on us. Don’t be afraid to share your opinion and set boundaries.
2) Be available and make face time a priority. Texting and email is a great way to stay in touch throughout the day when you are at work; but don’t let it become your only means of communication. Nothing replaces eye-to-eye contact and heartfelt conversations.
3) Know who their friends are. This was easy to do when they were in grade school; but, now their network grows exponentially. Offer to drive a few friends to the next football game. Invite them over for pizza and a movie. Notice how they interact and what conversations they engage in.
4) Compliment and acknowledge them more than you correct or discipline them. This really goes along way. We somehow think that the behaviors we expect don’t need our encouragement. Quite the opposite is true. Whatever you focus on, you’ll get more of. So, focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
5) Say, “I love you” frequently. Remember when they were a baby? You kissed and cooed at every move they made. They may act like they don’t want to be adored anymore, but it is all an act. They need to know you love and care for them… no matter what.
VH1’s “The New Virginity” provides us with a fabulous opportunity to meet our kids where they are at and have a heart-to-hear conversation about sex and the media’s influence. Check out your local listing for when it is showing again. Make a date with your tween, pop some popcorn and push back the recliner. It is not as hard as you think!
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